


Of Crack And Crackers

by Anika_Ann



Series: Damned (sidefics and codas) [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: -Ish, Avengers International Team, Clint Is American And He's Proud Of It, Crack, Damned If I Do, F/M, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Identity Reveal, JARVIS is a little shit, Jarvis Is British, Maybe Not Even Screenplay, Natasha Is Russian, Screenplay/Script Format, So does Bruce, Sort Of, Steve Is American Too, Steve is a nerd, Tony Is Done With Everyone's Shit, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, matt meets the avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 03:40:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anika_Ann/pseuds/Anika_Ann
Summary: … or what might and might not happened after the rescue mission. Crack. There is no better word for it. There are like millions of Matt meeting the Avengers fics out there, so... my short and crackish version related to Damned If I Do.Not a standalone.Not particulary important for the DIID.





	Of Crack And Crackers

**Author's Note:**

> C - Clint, S - Steve, V - Vera, T - Tony, B - Bruce, M - Matt/Mike, N - Natasha and J for Jarvis ♥
> 
> I would post it as a regular chapter, but it deserved its own tags...

_The jet is taking off, whole team finding their seats. Bruce examining Vera, who’s half conscious, half sleeping. Matt’s sitting by Vera’s head, keeping a notional eye on Bruce’s actions. Everyone’s checking their own damage, until they don’t and they just watch Bruce working, or staring at the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Tony already feels low on caffeine, wishing for nothing more than getting a fucking coffee – with tons of sugar._

C: “So…mission accomplished.”

S: “But not without casualties. Told you she’s gonna end up hurt.”

V: “I’m good.”

T: “How many pain meds did you give her?”

B: “A lot.”

V: “So many. Soooo many good drugs.”

_M stroking her hair, V smiling brightly at that._

N: “Also, it didn’t exactly go swimmingly. We didn’t expect him to forbid her to whisper. She should have given you instructions, Mike. Vera did a great job.”  

T: “Yeah, nice improvised speech, _call girl.“_

M, growling: “Don’t call her that!”

T:”Except the hawk’s eyes. Really, that wasn’t very subtle. Liked the part about the heart of steel though.”

V: “Shut up, Tony… Mr.Stark.”

C: “Yeah, shut up. I loved it. What else should she have said? That they are ready to put an Amor’s arrow through her heart? Something about Robin Hood? Or Merida? She was awesome. Also, she got shot, okay? Be nice to her.”

T: “I am gonna graciously pass over the fact you know who Merida is. Fine. Changing the subject. You, pajama guy, you know I’m gonna figure out who you are, right? You can just tell me, it would be easier for all of us…”

M, cocky: “I’m astonished you haven’t already. Don’t you have like ten different facial recognition softwares in your suit?”

T: “Well, by now, I figured out you’re a _Dick_.”

M: “I heard people saying that before. Did you figured out Vera is so fine that a _blind man_ could see it?”

V, snapping from her almost unconsciousness: “Mike!”

N, amazed smile one her lips: “ _NO WAY!”_

C, T, S: “What?!”

N: “Really guys? None of you took the hint? It’s painfully obvious. Literally _leaping to the eye_.”

C: “Nope.”

T: “Don’t get it.”

S: “No.”

N: “Jeez. Okay. How about this: His justice is _blind_.”

S: “Oh. That saying - is that a reason why you wear the mask covering your eyes?”

T: “Yeah, what high tech is it anyway? How do you see through that thing?”

_N facepalms._

M, while taking down his mask: “I don’t. And no, captain Rogers - _I am blind_.”

C, mouth hanging open: “Hey! I know you.”

T: “Of course you do! It’s Matthew _fucking_ Murdock! The lawyer? From Nelson  & Murdock?”

M, still cocky: “Actually, it’s Matthew _Michael_ , not-”

T: “Shut up and let me process. You can look out of the window. There’s a great view.”

N, S: “Tony!”

C: “I don’t even know what to say.”

T: “Then don’t say anything. She’s quiet. Did she pass out?”

M: “Her heartbeat slowed down due to the meds somewhere between _Leaping to the eye_ and _Justice is blind_.”

B: “I second that.”

C: “That’s creepy.”

T: “I second that one!”

N: “Of course you do. You didn’t have to tell us, Matthew. Why did you?”

M: “It’s Matt. You saved my life and _hers_. And any of you would make the connection, sooner or later-”

T: “I would! I would be the first!”

N: “Keep yourself telling that.”

C: “How the hell do you do everything you do when you’re blind?”

M: “Enhanced senses. Don’t really want to talk about it, it’s hard to explain.”

S: “I might get it…”

M, sighing: “Maybe. Just for show: Clint, you should stop obsessing with crackers, your hands smell like it despite your efforts to wash it away for three times, last time you ate them was 18 hours ago. You slept in the sheets with the same detergent as Romanoff, Rogers and Stark, so Avengers tower, I presume. You got a new bow, not quite used to it, it has sharp bowstring, wheezing on high note, your fingers hurt from it despite the gloves and being an archer for… 20 years now, judging by the level of deformation of your fingers. Also, about the crackers, seriously, your cholesterol is getting dangerously high, no parkouring can fix that even when practiced about at least an hour daily-”

C: “Okay, okay! I got the message, no crackers for me. You have no sense of tact…”

M: “Excuse you. I didn’t even mention your love life…”

T: “Does your partner know about all this, Murdock?”

S, scandalized: “What?!”

N: “Lawyer partner, Steve. He’s dating Vera, obviously.”

S: “Oh.”

M: “Yes. Not my biggest fan, still the best friend I could ever wish for. How is she, doctor Banner?”

B: “She’s stable, for now, I’ll do the rest of examining in the Tower. There is also a technology that will help her wound to heal rapidly. How are you?”

M: “She has cracked right radius too. I’m not that bad. Concussion, that’s for sure.”

T: “How could you possibly know that? How can he tell she has something wrong with…the thing. And that he has a concussion?”

B: “Guess there is no point in checking the light response of your pupils…”

M, grinning: “Nope.”

B: “Concussion. Fine. Your face was all bloody. But that’s not all of it.”

M:”There’s nothing else that needs medical attention. Bruises. Small cuts. Bruised ribs, jaw, cheek bones. Minor injuries, really. They didn’t want to hurt _me_ like that, at least not yet, once they figured out more effective way.”

N: “Yeah, no kidding. You girl is cool, by the way. Smart. Be smart too and keep her close.”

M: “I will. I just wish she would stay out of this mess instead of running right into it. Even though _this_ was my fault. Again.”

C: “Good luck with that. She’s stubborn.”

T: “Kinda badass, too.”

S: “Brave. Loyal.”

M: “ _Shot_.”

N: “Touché. But she’ll live. Us, Slavs are tough.”

T: “The who, now?”

N: “Never mind.”

_M moving even closer to V’s side, not interested in their conversation anymore._

T: “What was she talking about?”

S: “Ethnics, Tony. Vera is Czech and Natasha is Russian. They are both Slavs, just like Poles, Ukrainians, Serbs, Croatians, Slovaks, Mac-“

T: ”Okay, we get it, you’re a nerd.”

S ♫: “Kde domov můj,  
 kde domov můj…”

N: “Is that the Czech national anthem?”

_M snapping his head up, curious._

S, shrugging: “They _were_ on our side…”

C: “You really _are_ a nerd.”

S: “Shut up.”

T: “So, what now?”

N ♫: “Россия – священная наша держава,  
  Россия – любимая наша страна…”

T: “Ewww, shut up.”

_N keeps singing Russian national anthem._

C ♫: “Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light.  
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming…”

T: “Are you for real?”

_C doesn’t stop either._

S, B joining C ♫: “…Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight.  
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?”

T: “I hate you all.”

_M starts humming Kde domov můj for V, repeating only the fragment he heard from S._

T: “Oh, _God_ -”

J ♫: “…save our gracious Queen,  
Long live our noble Queen…

T: “JARVIS!!”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeaaah. It probably didn’t happen like that. But they did talk on the way to the Tower. And yeah, they did figure it out.


End file.
